Tag Archives: thankful

Cheat night

12 Jul

The kids are gone for a couple of weeks with their dad. That means I have some very rare alone time. I got about 4 inches cut off of my hair earlier today. 

It is a gorgeous summer evening in Texas. The breeze is blowing. It’s 8:30 at night and I’m sitting on an awesome patio enjoying some fresh air and having sangria.   A little Tone Loc playing. Usually, I’m fishing the bedtime routine with the kids and stuck inside the house until morning. I miss them like crazy. But this?  It’s lovely. 
I’m sure there is sugar in this beverage and it is so delicious!!  

Sometimes, it’s good to take a minute for yourself and relax. Breathe some fresh air. Be still. 

Thank you for coming along on my journey!  Cheers!


It wasn’t so bad.

27 Dec

In fact, it was pretty good.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  Luke 2:10

My wonderful mom and my step-dad came into town to spend Christmas with me.  We stayed so busy which kept my mind off of other things, and we had so much fun.  I spent a lot of time getting the house just right… clean, decorated, gifts wrapped and under the tree.  The lights were on outside, and everything was just about perfect when they arrived.

We purchased lots of baby things for a charity so we could provide a wonderful donation to families in need during this winter season.  We went to church on Christmas Eve and then onto a fantastic steak restaurant for dinner.  Food was so good; we drank wine; we laughed a lot.

Christmas morning, my kids called, and we were able to connect on FaceTime.  I was able to watch them open their stockings and their Santa gifts (which my ex-husband and I purchased jointly).  They were so excited and so cute.  After opening each gift, they ran to the phone to show it to me.  It made the morning so much better that I got to participate a little bit in their Christmas.  I think they liked that too.

Then, we opened our gifts.  My parents were too generous with me and I think they liked their gifts as well.  Later that day, we drove out to a resort which is known for its amazing Christmas decorations.  We walked around, drank hot chocolate, and laughed a little more.

Then it snowed!

I don’t generally like snow, but on Christmas day, I think it is magical!  We came home to make dinner.  We had an amazing dinner planned: beef tenderloin, pork tenderloin, squash casserole, beer bread, green salad, and mashed potatoes.  As we opened the oven door to put the casserole in, it shattered.  The front glass of the oven door shattered into a million pieces, scattered all over the kitchen, and into the squash casserole.


Of course, the oven shattered BEFORE we had cooked any of the dinner!!  We had to throw away the squash casserole, and then slice the tenderloins and fry them on the stove!  Still tasted good, but just not the same!

The table looked amazing though, and we had a fun dinner with good wine!  Good wine helped a lot!

I hope you and your families, whatever they look like this year, had a wonderful Christmas.  Find your blessings and count them.  My kids come home tomorrow, and I cannot wait to celebrate Christmas with them on Saturday morning!

Welcome to my next chapter!





16 Dec

Tonight, after a crazy week of business travel, cleaning house, baking, hosting a party for 9 kids, and putting the children to bed, I sat in my quiet kitchen.   Thinking about the great day.  Taking it all in.  Soaking in the goodness and the fun of the season.   I looked around me.  At my fairly clean house.  At my Christmas decorations, and at what was left of the party.

And I smiled.

I didn’t know why I was smiling at first, and thought it was a little odd.  It was not intentional; the smile just happened.  I couldn’t stop smiling.  Then, I realized.

I smiled because I am happy.

Welcome to my journey.


Thanksgiving, 2012.

26 Nov

I had the children for Thanksgiving this year.  We are celebrated with my brother and his adorable family, who are some of my biggest supporters and dearest friends.  We had a wonderful time!  We ate way too much; we shopped way to early; we had a lot of laughs.  In addition, we did lots of activities with the kids – made ornaments, went to the park, and just played.

I have so many things to be thankful for this year.

1. Moving forward after the divorce.

2. Finding some sources of fun and support.

3. Making new friends, and catching up with old friends.

4. Support and love from family and friends.

5.  My precious children whom I adore, and thank God for every day.

6.  Health and happiness.

Those are the big things.  Those are the important things.  It was a great Thanksgiving.  I am blessed.

Welcome to my journey!


25 Aug

I got my haircut today.  First haircut since last October. Yes, folks, it’s been almost a full year since I got my haircut. It was in sad shape and was so poofy and fluffy.  I have been wearing it in a ponytail all summer because that’s all I could do with it!!  And my bangs… I have cut them several times, and they were crooked and horrible!

So, I did the walk of shame to my hair salon today with my sad looking hair, and worried that my hairdresser would think I had been cheating on her.  She didn’t think that for one second!  She took one look at my ponytail and  immediately said “sit down so we can talk about this”.   It was so obvious that nobody else had cut this mop on my head!

Then, after looking at and running her fingers through my crazy mane, she said she wanted to do something for me.  She said the grey in front of my hair was distracting her, and she wanted to color my hair to cover the grey… ON HER!!  FREE COLOR!!  Yippee… Now, I am sure this is gateway color, and she is counting on more paid color from me in the future. But, still, what a surprise… and I love the color – very subtle, but covers the grey beautifully.

Love my new, trendy, layered cut.  And the beautiful color.

Welcome to my journey!



Friendship and Laughter.

5 Aug

I had a fun week this week with some of my best girlfriends!  Thursday night, I had dinner with three dear friends.  I worked with two of them at a prior job, and one is a friend of theirs (now also, a friend of mine).  We have not all gotten together in years… and when I say years, I mean like 10 years!!  We’ve gotten together individually, just not all together.  It was so nice to get out of the house, get dressed up, and be social with adult conversation and everything!  I’m trying to build in more social opportunities for myself to keep me sane!  It’s weird how it is feast or famine.  I won’t have plans for weeks, and then tons of things going on!

Today, I went shopping with one of my dearest friends!  We spent 4 hours together, shopping and doing her baby registries!  It was so much fun.  We don’t get to spend time together nearly as frequently or for as long as we would like.  And, we are always interrupted on the phone by one of our kids!  It was so nice to let down, be myself, share WAY too much, and laugh and giggle.  I was relaxed for the first time in a long time, and it was fantastic.

Laughter and friendship are good for the soul. 

I need more laughter in my life.  I am blessed with the most amazing friends, but don’t get to see them as much as I would like.  Work and home and children are priorities and make getting together difficult.  I laugh with my kids all of the time.  I need some time to laugh with adults too – some balance and joy in a different way.

My new goal is to try to make some neighborhood friends.  I have some acquaintances, but I haven’t yet turned them in to friends… people that I spend time with.  I like to text; I am naturally shy, and I use it as a crutch.  Today, I decided to pick up the phone to call a mom in our neighborhood.  I was inviting her son over for dinner, but thought that I would call, chat, and continue to build the relationship with her, rather than just with our kids.  I could have texted, but we wouldn’t have chatted, and wouldn’t be one small step closer to being friends.

Taking small steps and trying to have a fun time.

Welcome to my journey.


The seizure

15 Apr

Well, this  weekend certainly hasn’t worked out like I had originally planned.  I was in bed on Friday night; my daughter was peacefully sleeping beside me (as a special treat, she gets to sleep with me on the weekends she is with me).  I was writing the blog post Sick Baby and reflecting on the day.  Poor baby was sent home from school; the doctor could not find anything wrong with him in the afternoon, except for an increasingly accelerating temperature.  The doctor said he had some kind of virus and sent us home.  By 5:30 that afternoon, my baby had 104 degree fever, and was so lethargic.  He hadn’t eaten and was not drinking much.  I continued with the Tylenol and put him to bed at 7:30.

At 10:30, as I was writing, he woke up screaming and crying.  I went to his room and picked him up out of his crib; his skin was hot and he was shivering/trembling.  I thought he was cold due to the fever.  We sat in his rocking chair and I held him tightly.  He stopped shivering.  Then, his left arm began to tremble.  Then, his entire body went stiff and began to tremble.  It was dark in his room so I could not see him very well.  I thought he had just had a seizure; I had no idea what to do.

I called my sister-in-law to see if she thought it could possibly have been a seizure.  She told me to call the doctor.  The baby was laying in my arms, completely limp; his eyes were glassy and his face had a look of illness on it.  I spent a few minutes researching online for febrile seizures to see if that is what he had, and what I should do.  I didn’t know if he needed first aid, if I should call 911, rush him to the hospital, call the doctor, or what to do.

After researching, I determined that he was not in immediate danger, and I called the doctor’s after hours number.  I was connected to the nurse triage.  After a number of questions, she also determined that he was not in immediate danger, but she was unable to diagnose or see his current health status.  So, she recommended that I take him to the emergency room.

At this time, it was nearly 11:00.  I called my ex-husband; no answer.  I texted my ex-husband; no answer.  I woke up Big Girl and told her that we had to take Baby Boy to the doctor because he was sick.  I got her dressed and ready to go.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this all by myself, and really didn’t want to expose Big Girl to the ER if I didn’t have to.  I wasn’t sure what they were going to do to the baby, how long we would be there.  The nurse told me on the phone that they may have to test for meningitis which means a spinal tap.  He had that done when he was a newborn, and it was horrific.  There would be no way to shield my daughter from his screams if he had to go through another spinal tap – even if we left the room.  At the last minute, I called my best friend, waking her up at 11;00 at night) to see if I could drop if Big Girl at her house (my best friend lives a mile from me, is pregnant and has two daughters of her own.  Her husband was not at home, and her house is on the market).  It was a huge favor.  And of course, she said, bring her over.  Big Girl was terrified; she was worried about her brother and a little disoriented at being woken up in the middle of the night.  I dropped her off.  My friend texted me a few minutes later; they had said prayers, and Big Girl was in bed with her daughters.  Thank God for my sweet friend; one less thing to worry about.

So, I continued to attempt to reach my ex-husband throughout all of this; I texted him a couple of times, and called him about five times over the course of an hour.  When I was almost at the hospital, he called me with an annoyed tone to find out what I needed.  I told him what was going on, and he met us at the hospital.  I was so mad at him; part of me was glad to have someone there to help with the baby.  Baby Boy was so happy to see his daddy.

I finally got to the hospital about midnight; the waiting room was full after we sat down.  After about an hour, we were called back.  They gave the baby some Tylenol and we saw the PA who said that Baby Boy had most likely suffered from a febrile seizure.  It was important to find out what was causing the fever so that it could be treated and reduce the risk of further complications.  I asked her about a spinal tap, and she said it was unlikely; he had good color, and since the Tylenol had kicked in, had some energy too.  She ordered a strep test and some blood work.  Strep test – positive.  Relief…. that was likely the cause of his fever – easy treatment and he should recover quickly and easily.  They gave him a shot of antibiotics before we left and I am giving him fever reducers every few hours to keep the fever down.  We were there for about 3 1/2 hours, and the hospital staff was so nice.  They had a little wagon in the hallway so my ex-husband pulled him around the floor in that.  One of the nurses gave him a popsicle and they talked to him and played with him.

I got home about 4:00 from the hospital, and put the baby to bed.  I took a shower and went to bed at 4:30, completely physically and mentally exhausted.  At 5:00, the baby awoke screaming.  Ex husband was sleeping in the same room and let him scream for 5 minutes.  I got up and went in the nursery.  Ex husband was holding the baby and passed him off to me immediately.  He got back in bed and went to sleep.  I rocked the baby and put him back to bed.  At 7:00, Baby Boy woke up again.  My ex-husband brought him into me and I lay with him for a little bit.  I also had to check on Big Girl and arrange to pick her up.

I left baby and ex-husband sleeping and got prescriptions filled, picked up Big Girl and brought her home.  I left again, got my car inspected and oil changed.  I picked up prescriptions and came home.  When I got home, my ex-husband had cleaned the kitchen, wiped down all of the countertops and cabinets and done the dishes; I will admit, it was a huge help.  I made lunch.  immediately after lunch, my ex-husband announced that he needed to leave and that Big Girl needed a bag packed so she could go with him.  I packed her bag; he went to the store for milk.  He got home, and they left.

I was going on 2 hours of sleep with a very sick baby alone.  Baby would not sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time.  Finally, at 5:00, I put him in his crib; we were both exhausted.  He slept (with a few bouts of short crying) for 2 1/2 hours.  I was so happy for both of us to get a little rest/sleep.   He slept well last night, but woke up with fever this morning.  His energy is improving; he wants to play, but is getting tired so easily.  He is taking his second nap, so we are getting back on schedule  He is eating and drinking more.

Poor little guy is so sick of taking medicine!  He hates the flavor of one of the fever reduceing medication!  It is a struggle to even get the syringe in his mouth to dispense the medicine.  I put a little medicine in and then give him the pacifier to get it down.  It takes several rounds of that just to get the medicine down!!

I have been doing laundry, changing sheets, cleaning the kitchen and trying to sanitize as much as possible while he sleeps.   I am so tired.

My ex-husband is bringing Big Girl back this afternoon, and he is going to stay here to watch Baby Boy tomorrow so I can work.  Should be interesting.  Some help is better than no help, and I would rather that Baby Boy be with one of us than anyone else.  Keeping the kids’ best interest in mind…

It’s been a terribly stressful and exhausting weekend.  I am so thankful for my friends and family who have been so supportive and open to my cries for help.

Welcome to my journey.


Happy Easter!

8 Apr

Easter has me thinking about a few things today – not sure I’ve come to any conclusions, but here’s what’s on my mind today.

  • Rebirth
  • Renewal
  • Death and Reserrection
  • Endings and Beginnings
  • Forgiveness
  • Love
  • Sin
  • New Life

The Easter message has been powerful for me this year as the timing of Easter being just 10 days after my divorce was finalized has me feeling like I need all of these things.  And, I am so thankful for God’s glory that I have the opportunity to start anew… in so many different ways.

Forgiveness is really on my mind today – forgiveness of myself, of my ex-husband, and, most importantly, God’s forgiveness of my sins.  All of them.  I am not sure how to begin forgiving, particularly myself… for some of the decisions I have made, for my part in the demise of my marraige.

Welcome to my journey.


False alarm!

18 Jan

Yikes!  I am so sleepy today.  My baby has been sick since last Thursday with some kind of stomach bug.  He has been up at about 4 am to eat for the last 10 days or so.  So, it’s been a long road with him the last few weeks.  Last night, we had some excitement though, in addition to his long nights!

I was sleeping soundly (very soundly on my new mattress) when I awoke at 4 am by the burglar alarm beeping, and the dog barking and growling.  I was scared to death, especially since the dog was barking.  And the growling almost put me over the edge. Well, if that doesn’t wake you up abruptly and quickly, I don’t know what will. 

The alarm wasn’t sounding as if  it had been tripped; it was  just beeping, and beeping, and beeping.    So, I leaned over to turn on the lamp.  No light.   No lights anywhere in the house.  Whew!  At least, now I knew why the alarm was beeping.  However, why was there no electricity?  There was no storm, no strong wind; it was a calm night outside.  Had the wires been cut?  Should I call the police?  I don’t want to call for no reason, but I don’t want someone hurting me or my children either!

Bravely (at least, I thought I was brave), I walked to the door; the lights in the neighborhood were all out; I felt a little better.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  But by now, my mind was racing with mostly unreasonable and irrational thoughts (and nobody there to protect us or to talk me down to reality).  Beep. Beep. Beep.  What if a group of people cut all of the wires to the neighborhood and then they were going to get not only me, but all of my neighbors too?!  What if they were watching me?  Did they knew where my kids slept?  Why didn’t I learn how to use the gun?  Meanwhile, the alarm is still beeping – no way was I going to turn it off. If it was off, it wouldn’t trip if someone did enter my home!  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.

I turned on the flashlight app on my iPhone and looked around the house; all looked clear.  Time to check on the kids; the dog went with me, staying right by my side, and entering each room before me.  Big girl sleeping soundly.  Lights are back on!  Beeping stops!  Open baby’s door…  woke him up!  Oh no!!  Abort! Abort mission, dog!  We tip toed out of the room and down the hall, hoping baby would go back to sleep!  No luck.  I let the dog out in the backyard; she did her business and checked the perimeter of the yard.  No barking.  No growling.  I could assume we were safe (at least in the backyard)!

I prepared a bottle, changed baby’s diaper and fed him.  Still awake and hungry.  Prepared a second bottle, rocked baby.  Still awake.  Rocked him and snuggled with him. Still awake.  So, I decided to put him in bed with me.  At this point, it is about 4:45 in the morning.  I just wanted to go to sleep.  Baby got in bed with me, and was ready to party!  Up and down, crawling around, flopping around, whacking me, kicking me!  Oh my goodness!!  Finally, about 5:45, he fell asleep, and so did I.  Deep sleep – dream land.

And then….  6 am…  Time to wake up.  Alarm went off; had to get up to get big girl ready for school.  SNOOZE!  Alarm went off again.  SNOOZE!  Oh no!  It’s 6:30 am, and have to be at bus stop at 6:55!  Run, run, run!  Luckily, big girl was so sweet and cooperative this morning, and we got out the door right on time to meet the bus.

Sometimes, I really miss having some help and strength, especially on nights like last night!  I was so scared to even get out of bed to check things out around the house… frantically trying to figure out how to get us all out of the house safely, if needed.  I have plans to get everyone out, but in the moment…  In the moment of possiblity, I was terrified!

Thankful for the safety of my family this morning!  Thankful for coffee this morning!

Welcome to my journey!