Tag Archives: sick

So, that’s why I feel like crap all of the time!

3 Mar

I’ve seen more doctors in the last three to six months than I care to ever see again.  And, it’s not over.  I’ve got three more appointments scheduled for myself this month, and at least two more to schedule.

The good news is that I finally have a diagnosis for my horrible symptoms which have been causing me so much trouble since June 2012.  I went in for testing on Monday, and found out that I have Crohn’s Disease.  I’m a little sad to have been diagnosed with a chronic illness, but I already know I had one since I’ve been suffering with the symptoms for most of my life anyway.  The good news is that Chron’s can be treated with medication, and I should start to feel much better very soon.  I’ve just been on my medication for a few days, and already, I have so much more energy and am much less tired.

While I was under general anesthesia on Monday, there were some issues with my heart, and my gastroenterologist referred me to a cardiologist with concerns that I may have a troubling heart condition.  I see the cardiologist tomorrow.  I’m pretty scared.

My wonderful mom has been my rock, and my friends have been amazing.  My mom was here all of last week, went to the appointment with me on Monday and stayed for several days.  She is going to try to fly to my house tomorrow to go to the cardiologist with me as well.  We’re all a little more concerned with that than the Chrone’s… for now.

I’m saying lots of prayers, and hoping that all is okay. 

Welcome to my next chapter.


It’s tough.

17 Nov

Does it ever seem normal to watch your kids go with their dad for the weekend?  I’m beginning to feel more comfortable with it; I’m not as lonely or bored as I once was when they were gone.  I take advantage of the time to see friends, catch up on sleep, and run errands – things I can’t do when they are at home.  However, it’s so hard to let them go.

Last night, they left before I got home  from work.  That was tough, especially since I was expecting to see them, but got stuck in traffic for 2 1/2 hours on my commute home!!  So I missed them.  However, I noticed that my ex-husband had forgotten my son’s medicine so they had to come back (in the last 10 days, my son has had both strep throat and an ear infection).  I took the medicine out to the car so the kids didn’t have to get out.  Putting them back in the car would have been nearly impossible.  I went out to the car, and gave big hugs and kisses, heard about their day.  But, when I went around to my son’s side, he raised his arms in the air and said “up, up, up…. Mommy, up!”.  I couldn’t get him out of the car or it would have been even more difficult.  When I said “no”, the crying and tears began.  I felt so helpless.  My sweet baby crying; all he wanted to do was see his mommy, and I couldn’t help him.  He had to go.  I knew he would have a good time.  But, I am haunted all weekend by his cries and sweet face looking at me, depending on me.

Truly, it sucks.

The kids are always on the road, always missing one of us.  I hate it for them.

Now, the children are with their dad, at his sister’s house, having a blast.  They are cooking for Thanksgiving, helping put lights on wreaths, and decorate for Christmas.  They are having a ball.  But, I miss them, and all I can hear in my head are my sweet son’s cries for mommy.

Welcome to my journey!


I really am sick.

10 Jul

Went to the doctor today. My real doctor. Not to be confused with the urgent care clinic I went to on Sunday. Despite the fact that I did not have a sore throat or ears, they insisted on doing a strep test. Not surprisingly, it came back negative. The doctor came in and told me that since my throat hurt and I had been vomiting, she was going to treat me for strep. Ummmm. My throat does not hurt, and I have not been vomiting. “Just in case”, she wanted to treat me for strep even though I had no symptoms and the test was negative! So I walked out with prescriptions to treat strep. I did not fill them.

That gets me back to where I started. I went to my doctor today. Waiting on medicine at the pharmacy now… Bronchitis, laryngitis, digestive issues, and anxiety. Good times! Y’all, I don’t mess around. When I’m sick, I am sick.

Back to work for now. Well see how long I can make it!

Welcome to my journey!

Mommy’s sick.

9 Jul

Ok. So I have spent the better part of 5 days in bed. I am so tired. I started coughing over the weekend and my voice is so scratchy tonight. Its only a matter of time before my voice goes completely for a day or two! I couldn’t even finish reading one chapter to my daughter tonight due to the coughing. Doctor tomorrow morning. I’m guessing bronchitis. Could be walking pneumonia or mono though, I guess. Hoping for bronchitis and a speedy recovery!

I do not have time to be sick! My house is a wreck; I need to go to the grocery store; I need to work; I need to cook dinner tomorrow night; I need to put away piles of laundry, and do more laundry. Most importantly, I need energy to play and laugh with my kids!

Welcome to my journey!


4 Jul

I am on vacation this week.  I had planned to spend the week playing with the kids, and just relaxing and enjoying my time with them.  I have been so excited about taking this week off.  Work has just been horrible lately, and I haven’t found another job yet.  I am so stressed out with the kids, and feel like I am pulled in too many directions.  At night, I feel like a zombie just getting through it all until bedtime.

I really needed this vacation.  I need some room to breathe and relax and regroup.

But, I got sick on Friday afternoon and have been in bed most of the week. We went to my brother’s house for the weekend, and I slept most of the time we were there.  I drove us all home, but went straight to bed when we got home. Yesterday, Big Girl and I got pedicures and went to a movie.  When I got home I had fever, and went straight to bed. 

 This is miserable.

Today, I am starting to feel a little better; I am just so tired, and  I am in really slow motion.  I cannot think very clearly; my brain feels like mush.

I think I am suffering from true exhaustion.  I feel like I have been running on adrenaline for over a year, and my body is now coming to a screeching halt.  Like a train trying to stop before it hits a car on the tracks, my body’s brakes are screeching, but my life is still moving ahead in fast forward.  My body needs to stop and rest, and my life does not have time for it.  I am run down.  I am getting so thin.  I have no energy.  I am irritable.  I am tired.  I feel so overwhelmed.  My thinking is clouded.  I have no concentration.

I am completely burnt out at work.  I have limited resources for help.  My mom and dad live 1/2 way across the country so I can’t just call and ask them to come by for a few hours to help.  My brother lives 4 hours away, and has a young family of his own.  Although, they all do what they can, it just isn’t practical to call them when I need a break.

There are some babysitters we know who are very good.  I’m not opposed to letting my kids stay with them; I have before, but, like everything else, they cost money.  Monday I don’t really have .  But, I need to find a way.  I need to figure out a way to get some space, and some rest and to feel better.

I need to get better; my kids need me to get better.  I need to take care of myself to be a good mom to them.

I need to figure out some solutions.

Welcome to my journey.


All at Once.

7 May

For me, right now, one of the most difficult things about being a single parent is that there is not enough of me to go around.  It seems that I am always starved for time, or supposed to be in 5 places at once!  And when you have small children, you can plan and schedule everything to the most minute detail, but things will happen as the kids needs’ dictate.

Over the weekend, Baby Boy got sick… again.. 103 degree fever…  He is doing much better today, and I sent him to daycare.  However, a call to his doctor to let them know, and he needs to be seen by the doctor.  Appointment at 4:00; it’s a 20 minute drive each way.

Big Girl already has a Girl Scout event scheduled at 5:00 this evening.  No way that it’s possible  to get here there even close to on time.  Called my dad; he can’t do it because he has to pick up his wife at the airport.  So, I just texted Big Girl’s day care teacher to see if she can drop her off at the event after school.  Waiting on her response.  My next back up is my best friend who is pregnant, and who has two kids of her own.  Picking up my kid and dropping off is probably not on her agenda today either.

Then, I have a major issue going on at work that I have to be available for, and participate in resolving.  It will be handled via the telephone, but may last for hours.  It hasn’t started yet.  It was supposed to begin at noon; that was 3 minutes ago!

Three different places.  Three different hats/personas.  All at Once.

Count down is on.  I have to walk out the door for the doctor in 3.5 hours.

I need a clone… or two!

Welcome to my journey!


The seizure

15 Apr

Well, this  weekend certainly hasn’t worked out like I had originally planned.  I was in bed on Friday night; my daughter was peacefully sleeping beside me (as a special treat, she gets to sleep with me on the weekends she is with me).  I was writing the blog post Sick Baby and reflecting on the day.  Poor baby was sent home from school; the doctor could not find anything wrong with him in the afternoon, except for an increasingly accelerating temperature.  The doctor said he had some kind of virus and sent us home.  By 5:30 that afternoon, my baby had 104 degree fever, and was so lethargic.  He hadn’t eaten and was not drinking much.  I continued with the Tylenol and put him to bed at 7:30.

At 10:30, as I was writing, he woke up screaming and crying.  I went to his room and picked him up out of his crib; his skin was hot and he was shivering/trembling.  I thought he was cold due to the fever.  We sat in his rocking chair and I held him tightly.  He stopped shivering.  Then, his left arm began to tremble.  Then, his entire body went stiff and began to tremble.  It was dark in his room so I could not see him very well.  I thought he had just had a seizure; I had no idea what to do.

I called my sister-in-law to see if she thought it could possibly have been a seizure.  She told me to call the doctor.  The baby was laying in my arms, completely limp; his eyes were glassy and his face had a look of illness on it.  I spent a few minutes researching online for febrile seizures to see if that is what he had, and what I should do.  I didn’t know if he needed first aid, if I should call 911, rush him to the hospital, call the doctor, or what to do.

After researching, I determined that he was not in immediate danger, and I called the doctor’s after hours number.  I was connected to the nurse triage.  After a number of questions, she also determined that he was not in immediate danger, but she was unable to diagnose or see his current health status.  So, she recommended that I take him to the emergency room.

At this time, it was nearly 11:00.  I called my ex-husband; no answer.  I texted my ex-husband; no answer.  I woke up Big Girl and told her that we had to take Baby Boy to the doctor because he was sick.  I got her dressed and ready to go.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this all by myself, and really didn’t want to expose Big Girl to the ER if I didn’t have to.  I wasn’t sure what they were going to do to the baby, how long we would be there.  The nurse told me on the phone that they may have to test for meningitis which means a spinal tap.  He had that done when he was a newborn, and it was horrific.  There would be no way to shield my daughter from his screams if he had to go through another spinal tap – even if we left the room.  At the last minute, I called my best friend, waking her up at 11;00 at night) to see if I could drop if Big Girl at her house (my best friend lives a mile from me, is pregnant and has two daughters of her own.  Her husband was not at home, and her house is on the market).  It was a huge favor.  And of course, she said, bring her over.  Big Girl was terrified; she was worried about her brother and a little disoriented at being woken up in the middle of the night.  I dropped her off.  My friend texted me a few minutes later; they had said prayers, and Big Girl was in bed with her daughters.  Thank God for my sweet friend; one less thing to worry about.

So, I continued to attempt to reach my ex-husband throughout all of this; I texted him a couple of times, and called him about five times over the course of an hour.  When I was almost at the hospital, he called me with an annoyed tone to find out what I needed.  I told him what was going on, and he met us at the hospital.  I was so mad at him; part of me was glad to have someone there to help with the baby.  Baby Boy was so happy to see his daddy.

I finally got to the hospital about midnight; the waiting room was full after we sat down.  After about an hour, we were called back.  They gave the baby some Tylenol and we saw the PA who said that Baby Boy had most likely suffered from a febrile seizure.  It was important to find out what was causing the fever so that it could be treated and reduce the risk of further complications.  I asked her about a spinal tap, and she said it was unlikely; he had good color, and since the Tylenol had kicked in, had some energy too.  She ordered a strep test and some blood work.  Strep test – positive.  Relief…. that was likely the cause of his fever – easy treatment and he should recover quickly and easily.  They gave him a shot of antibiotics before we left and I am giving him fever reducers every few hours to keep the fever down.  We were there for about 3 1/2 hours, and the hospital staff was so nice.  They had a little wagon in the hallway so my ex-husband pulled him around the floor in that.  One of the nurses gave him a popsicle and they talked to him and played with him.

I got home about 4:00 from the hospital, and put the baby to bed.  I took a shower and went to bed at 4:30, completely physically and mentally exhausted.  At 5:00, the baby awoke screaming.  Ex husband was sleeping in the same room and let him scream for 5 minutes.  I got up and went in the nursery.  Ex husband was holding the baby and passed him off to me immediately.  He got back in bed and went to sleep.  I rocked the baby and put him back to bed.  At 7:00, Baby Boy woke up again.  My ex-husband brought him into me and I lay with him for a little bit.  I also had to check on Big Girl and arrange to pick her up.

I left baby and ex-husband sleeping and got prescriptions filled, picked up Big Girl and brought her home.  I left again, got my car inspected and oil changed.  I picked up prescriptions and came home.  When I got home, my ex-husband had cleaned the kitchen, wiped down all of the countertops and cabinets and done the dishes; I will admit, it was a huge help.  I made lunch.  immediately after lunch, my ex-husband announced that he needed to leave and that Big Girl needed a bag packed so she could go with him.  I packed her bag; he went to the store for milk.  He got home, and they left.

I was going on 2 hours of sleep with a very sick baby alone.  Baby would not sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time.  Finally, at 5:00, I put him in his crib; we were both exhausted.  He slept (with a few bouts of short crying) for 2 1/2 hours.  I was so happy for both of us to get a little rest/sleep.   He slept well last night, but woke up with fever this morning.  His energy is improving; he wants to play, but is getting tired so easily.  He is taking his second nap, so we are getting back on schedule  He is eating and drinking more.

Poor little guy is so sick of taking medicine!  He hates the flavor of one of the fever reduceing medication!  It is a struggle to even get the syringe in his mouth to dispense the medicine.  I put a little medicine in and then give him the pacifier to get it down.  It takes several rounds of that just to get the medicine down!!

I have been doing laundry, changing sheets, cleaning the kitchen and trying to sanitize as much as possible while he sleeps.   I am so tired.

My ex-husband is bringing Big Girl back this afternoon, and he is going to stay here to watch Baby Boy tomorrow so I can work.  Should be interesting.  Some help is better than no help, and I would rather that Baby Boy be with one of us than anyone else.  Keeping the kids’ best interest in mind…

It’s been a terribly stressful and exhausting weekend.  I am so thankful for my friends and family who have been so supportive and open to my cries for help.

Welcome to my journey.



19 Feb

I am learning that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.

It has been a really tough couple of weeks. I cannot shake bronchitis. I am having a really hard time breathing and talking. Unfortunately, I spend 8-10 hours a day on the phone… talking. So, it is difficult to work effectively, and takes so much energy. I hardly have anything left for my kids at the end of the day; I am tired and weak. But at the end of the day, the kids need me and they are my priority and bring me joy.

The kids were with STBEH until this morning so I was able to get a little rest yesterday – at least rest my voice. I got a ton of things done that I cannot do during the week, or with the kids here. Boring stuff like paperwork, catching up on my day job, planning, organizing. Important, but boring ,and impossible to do with little ones in the house! I listened to Kelly Clarkson’s new album all day – great break up album if you need some music to listen to!

Yesterday was cool with a light rain all day long – grey and dreary (or snuggly and relaxing, however you choose to look at it). I need some color on my front porch – all of our landscaping right now is green. So, I went to Lowe’s and bought two beautiful turquoise pots for the front porch, and filled them with pink impatients. So bright and colorful. I LOVE them! For me, it’s about doing the small things that bring happiness right now. This project is one easily done myself, but one I would have depended on my STBEH to do in the past – carry the bags of soil, carry the pots, take the garbage to the trash. Slowly taking over the things that I have depended on someone else to do to make my life easier. A little stronger every day.


I have a list of projects a mile long that I want to conquer. Cheap and cheerful though. I want to paint the front door, and frame out the bathroom mirrors. I think I can do it myself. I am not sure when, but they are at the top of the list.

So, all of that to say that while I feel weak and overwhelmed, I am still stronger that I ever believed. Even being as sick as I have been, and with projects piling up and the daily chores barely getting done, I am doing it on my own. I am raising two kids, taking care of the house, working full time, planning for my business, room mom. It’s not all perfect; it’s not even all pretty, but I am doing it. Even sick, I keep going. I have to; there is nobody else to do it. There is no time to sit down and rest, so I take it one moment at a time, and finish one thing at a time. I rest when I can; I do not believe in being super-mom. I don’t believe that is good for me or the kids. But, I do have responsibilities that I have to take care of. Looking back on the last couple of weeks, I am surprised. I survived it alone. I am stronger than I thought.

Welcome to my journey.


What a Week!

3 Feb

Well, this certainly turned out to be a very interesting week, not one that I would have, or could have, anticipated.

As you may remember, last Friday, I got into it with my soon-to-be-ex-husband (STBEH) about some of his improper (in my opinion, and in many other people’s opinion) behavior by communicating with my family behind my back.  We had some very honest and difficult words that afternoon before he picked up the kids for the weekend.

Last weekend, he was supposed to help my daughter find 100 things to include on an art project for the 100th day of school celebration on Wednesday.  Of course, Sunday night, going through her things – no 100 things to be found.  So, I called him to find out if they had done it; of course, he forgot.  So, he volunteered to come over Monday afternoon, pick Big Girl up from school, and work on the project.  He did.  Then, he picked up Baby Boy from school – 100.1 fever for the baby.  I took three days off last week so I’m already behind.  No way I can take off more time this week too.  So STBEH stayed, took baby to the doctor on Tuesday.  Baby must stay home 2-3 days – minimum due to some viral throat infection.  So, STBEH stayed at our house until this morning, helping with the kids.  I ended up having a couple of things to do in the evenings so it also worked out well that he could watch kids in the evenings while I did a few things.  We got along just fine.  BUT that doesn’t mean that I want to still be married to him.  It’s not like we had long talks, or spent a lot of time together.  I went to bed in my bed early, and worked in the mornings after getting the kids up and ready.  I spent the day in my office, working.  I had plans at night most nights.

HOWEVER… he really wants to get back together.  Saw my therapist yesterday, and apparently, he has seen this week as a real turning point, and thinks there is a chance for reconciliation, even more than he did before.  I don’t feel the same way, and I have told him that.  I feel strongly that he is responsible for his children in every way (I know that he legally isn’t, but they are his children).  And if they are sick, they are better off with one of us than they are with anyone else, when that is possible.  I feel this very strongly, and very passionately.  He volunteered each day/night to help with them.

I feel bad that this week turned out like that.  I want my kids to have a meaningful and strong relationship with their father.  I want one of us to care for them when they need us.  He feels that the kids need to be at home when they are sick because that is where they are most comfortable.  I don’t disagree.

I want my kids to have access to their dad, and I want him to have access to his kids.  But, maybe structure is better than fluidity right now.  But what would I have done with my sweet baby who missed 3 days of school this week and last?  I can’t risk losing my job right now.

OH MY GOSH!  I don’t even really know right now.  It just sucks sometimes!

Welcome to my journey!


Sick and Tired

24 Jan

Y’all, my baby is sick yet again. Here’s how the last few weeks have looked:

  • nasty upper respiratory infection of some type for baby boy hit today
  • stomach bug last week for baby boy and mild version for me
  • pink eye last week for big girl
  • strep throat a month ago for big girl.

I am ready for my kids to get better

I had to stay home with baby today, which meant that I didn’t get much work done. So, I’m starting off the week already behind! In addition, it is highly likely that I will be taking him to the doctor tomorrow (more work missed). And I have an appointment on Thursday morning. Seeing a trend of missed work here? Oh my goodness! Seeing some long nights this week to get caught up!

I am exhausted, and don’t have any brain cells left to write much more this evening.

Welcome to my journey!