Tag Archives: lonely

Too Quiet

29 Dec

WOW… It is so quiet in this house.  My soon-to-be-ex-husband has the kids through New Year’s, and it is quiet, TOO quiet, around this house.  When I woke up this morning, I felt a little lost.  I didn’t know what to do with myself – no mouths to feed, nobody to get dressed and to entertain.  Nobody to talk to, nobody to snuggle with, nobody at all.  Pretty lonely.  It was so weird that I felt like there was nothing to get out of bed for (not in a depressed way, just in an unstructured way); I am so used to getting up and immediately having a morning full of things to do and people to take care of.  This morning… nothing.  So, I lay in bed for an hour and a half, catching up on personal email, thinking and planning my day.

I usually feel like there is not enough time… but this week, I feel like there is SO MUCH TIME! It’s unstructured, unplanned time, and I have got to figure out how to make the best of it.

I have got to fill this empty time with some fun things to do.  I have work to do.  I need to clean and organize the house (but not fun at all)!  Saturday will be a long day/night since I have no plans for NYE.  My kids will be home Sunday though, and it will be a fun New Year’s Day!

Welcome to my journey!


Mixed Emotions and a Missing Piece

23 Dec

Beginning to feel emotional about Christmas. I am really excited about spending the weekend and the holiday with my kids and family. I am working so hard to make this Christmas special for them. I know they will miss their father terribly. I will feel somewhat lonely as well too, still feeling like part of me is missing.

Welcome to my journey.  Happy Holidays!

The first night…I made it!

21 Dec

Well… I woke up this morning, and nothing fell apart.  He left and all is as it should be (except for the huge mess in the house to deal with).  Kids are fine, there is still plenty of work to do, and life goes on.  I successfully made it through the first night and day of single motherhood alone!  I never thought this would be my life, but I am embracing and allowing life to take me on this journey that God has planned for me.

The move-out part was made a little easier for me because my soon to be ex husband has traveled significantly for the last year so I am used to being alone with the kids.  But, the finality of it all…  I made it through this day!  My kids made it through this first day.  That being said, the move-out was kind of a non-event and kind of shocking all at the same time.  Walking into my bedroom is not fun – the dresser is gone; the headboard/footboard are gone; his 1/2 of the closet is empty.  A little lonely; I am going to sleep there tonight for the first time in months.  I am ready to make my room feel like my own space.  Lots of organizing and cleaning to do.

And, I didn’t do it alone.  My sweet friend flew back from her ski trip with her family, and came over after putting her kids to bed.  We sat up and talked and cried and drank wine for hours; it was just what I needed to ward off the lonliness.  Venting to a good friend was amazingly cathartic!  I am so very fortunate to have the love and support of wonderful friends and family.

Welcome to my journey!