Tag Archives: friends

I’m Back!

14 Jan

Hi!  It’s been almost 4 years since I have written on this blog!  I’m back and am so happy to be writing here again!  I’ve really missed this blog.

Let me catch you up on where my life is today.  I have aged a few years since my last writing!  So have my kids. No diapers, no bottles and no more baby food in this house!  Some things are so much easier, but I miss my babies!  I love my child, and my emerging adult so much!  Now, we have independence, privacy, hormones, constantly changing emotions, homework, friends in and out, cell phones, drama!  It’s crazy busy and so much fun to watch them grow up!

I left that crappy job for one I love.  I miss working from home, but being in the office and around people was just what I needed at the time.  I love my job and feel fortunate to have had an opportunity to do lots of different things there.

I feel like I have a part-time job as a chauffeur to my children – taking them to practices and parties and friends and events and…  the list never ends!  And the logistical coordination of all of this sometimes makes me crazy!!

I have developed a great support network of friends for me and my kids.  With no family within  250 miles, a great network of friends has been invaluable for me.  They help me out and I help them out.

What I have learned in these last few years has been incredible though.  I really don’t define myself as a single mom, even though I am.  I am a full time mom just like any other mom.  I am a working mom, just like many moms.

I had some hard times, just like every single person in this world.  Your hard times aren’t like mine, but we all have hard times.  And, we all have great times.   I have learned to accept that we aren’t trying to avoid the hard times, because the hard times will come.  We get stronger through them and dig ourselves out with hard work and tenacity and focus and determination and grit and tears. And we make it to the other side stronger and different.

I’ve learned to see the beauty in grief and loss and change.  It’s part of our human being… to experience all of the good and bad that life gives us.  It’s up to us to get through it. It’s hard as hell.  And, it’s wonderful and beautiful and messy and hard and gut-wrenching, at times.

I’ve learned to be more appreciative and to enjoy the good times.

I have learned to enjoy this messy life that I have.


So, that’s why I feel like crap all of the time!

3 Mar

I’ve seen more doctors in the last three to six months than I care to ever see again.  And, it’s not over.  I’ve got three more appointments scheduled for myself this month, and at least two more to schedule.

The good news is that I finally have a diagnosis for my horrible symptoms which have been causing me so much trouble since June 2012.  I went in for testing on Monday, and found out that I have Crohn’s Disease.  I’m a little sad to have been diagnosed with a chronic illness, but I already know I had one since I’ve been suffering with the symptoms for most of my life anyway.  The good news is that Chron’s can be treated with medication, and I should start to feel much better very soon.  I’ve just been on my medication for a few days, and already, I have so much more energy and am much less tired.

While I was under general anesthesia on Monday, there were some issues with my heart, and my gastroenterologist referred me to a cardiologist with concerns that I may have a troubling heart condition.  I see the cardiologist tomorrow.  I’m pretty scared.

My wonderful mom has been my rock, and my friends have been amazing.  My mom was here all of last week, went to the appointment with me on Monday and stayed for several days.  She is going to try to fly to my house tomorrow to go to the cardiologist with me as well.  We’re all a little more concerned with that than the Chrone’s… for now.

I’m saying lots of prayers, and hoping that all is okay. 

Welcome to my next chapter.


Thanksgiving, 2012.

26 Nov

I had the children for Thanksgiving this year.  We are celebrated with my brother and his adorable family, who are some of my biggest supporters and dearest friends.  We had a wonderful time!  We ate way too much; we shopped way to early; we had a lot of laughs.  In addition, we did lots of activities with the kids – made ornaments, went to the park, and just played.

I have so many things to be thankful for this year.

1. Moving forward after the divorce.

2. Finding some sources of fun and support.

3. Making new friends, and catching up with old friends.

4. Support and love from family and friends.

5.  My precious children whom I adore, and thank God for every day.

6.  Health and happiness.

Those are the big things.  Those are the important things.  It was a great Thanksgiving.  I am blessed.

Welcome to my journey!

Friendship and Laughter.

5 Aug

I had a fun week this week with some of my best girlfriends!  Thursday night, I had dinner with three dear friends.  I worked with two of them at a prior job, and one is a friend of theirs (now also, a friend of mine).  We have not all gotten together in years… and when I say years, I mean like 10 years!!  We’ve gotten together individually, just not all together.  It was so nice to get out of the house, get dressed up, and be social with adult conversation and everything!  I’m trying to build in more social opportunities for myself to keep me sane!  It’s weird how it is feast or famine.  I won’t have plans for weeks, and then tons of things going on!

Today, I went shopping with one of my dearest friends!  We spent 4 hours together, shopping and doing her baby registries!  It was so much fun.  We don’t get to spend time together nearly as frequently or for as long as we would like.  And, we are always interrupted on the phone by one of our kids!  It was so nice to let down, be myself, share WAY too much, and laugh and giggle.  I was relaxed for the first time in a long time, and it was fantastic.

Laughter and friendship are good for the soul. 

I need more laughter in my life.  I am blessed with the most amazing friends, but don’t get to see them as much as I would like.  Work and home and children are priorities and make getting together difficult.  I laugh with my kids all of the time.  I need some time to laugh with adults too – some balance and joy in a different way.

My new goal is to try to make some neighborhood friends.  I have some acquaintances, but I haven’t yet turned them in to friends… people that I spend time with.  I like to text; I am naturally shy, and I use it as a crutch.  Today, I decided to pick up the phone to call a mom in our neighborhood.  I was inviting her son over for dinner, but thought that I would call, chat, and continue to build the relationship with her, rather than just with our kids.  I could have texted, but we wouldn’t have chatted, and wouldn’t be one small step closer to being friends.

Taking small steps and trying to have a fun time.

Welcome to my journey.



23 Jul

In the last several months, I have been humbled beyond belief. 

My emotions have been stretched as far as they can to, as has my strength.  The kindness of others has been unexpected and overwhelming.

I’ve always thought of myself as a thankful and gracious person.  Oh no.  I was not.  I was, at one time, very thoughtful and considerate (I lost a lot of this during my marriage to  a hugely selfish man, and as a result of being so miserable in my marriage), and thought that I was humble and thankful and gracious.  However, I was thankful if things went my way.  If the party was planned exactly the way I thought it should be, I was thankful.  If the gift was perfect, I was thankful.  I am not selfish, and have never been selfish, but the change from being nice and being thankful and humbled is a HUGE, and is an amazing place to be.

After being brought to my knees this last year, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I have lost so much pride and envy.  For the first time in my life, I am learning to appreciate the small, simple things.  I am tremendously thankful for a phone call or a note.  I appreciate a smile.  I need so much support and help, and recently, wonderful people have been coming out of the woodwork to help me.

  • I have wonderful friends and family who call and text to check in on me, and offer help.
  • I have amazing family who supports me and who does whatever they can to help.
  • I have a great doctor who takes my health seriously and who has been dedicated to helping me get better (both mentally and physically).
  • I have a great therapist who I feel completely open to talk to and who provides me with an amazing sounding board and perspective.  There are just some things I don’t want to share with anyone in my inner circle, and she listens and helps me work through those things.
  • I have healthy, funny, loving, amazing kids whom I absolutely adore.
  • Our new babysitter/housekeeper is working out great.  My kids adore her, and she is such a hard worker.  So much of a load off of my back, and I really need the help right now.
  • I have this blog which I love doing with wonderful followers.  And, just the simple act of writing is therapeutic and helps me organize my emotions and thoughts.  I work so much out just writing here.

And, the big things are amazing too.  I am so blessed to have a wonderful family and friends.

When I got sick, my mom re-routed her vacation to fly to my house and spend the better part of a week to help me 24/7.  She cleaned, cooked, grocery shopped, got up with Baby Boy in the middle of the night, fed kids, took kids to school, picked up kids in afternoon, baths — really just about everything.  So that I could rest.  I sent her home weary and ready for a long nap over the weekend, I am sure; although, she would never admit it.

My amazing brother and his kids came in Friday night.  My brother worked on a bunch of projects around the house – hanging shelving, moving curtains, hung cool wire to hang the kids’ art work int he play room.  He also helped cook and clean up dishes… and he got up with 3 of the 4 kids on Saturday morning, got them snacks and milk and diapered.  Then he got donuts for everyone.

My dad was also in town this weekend, and he fixed one of my broken sprinkler heads (I’ve had a geyser in my front yard this week)!  He also programmed the sprinkler system for me so it waters when it is supposed to.

Physically, I am feeling so much better – not 100% by any stretch, but I have a voice; my cough is minimal.  I’m keeping food down.  I feel so much better.  Another doctor appointment tomorrow to follow up on bronchitis and re-evaulate the other issues.

My cup runneth over today.

Welcome to my journey.



2 Jun

It has been a crazy, emotional week around here!  For me and for my good friends!

Work has been pretty insane as usual, and the short week only intensified it!  Plus, I took a vacation day on Friday, and was on the road Wednesday.  Too much going on, and such limited time to fulfill my work obligations and responsibilities! 

So, this week, my best friend who has two daughters found out she is having a baby boy in Oct.  Another friend who has two boys found out this week that she is having twin girls in Oct.  Another friend who has gone through hell in infertility treatments and a failed adoption attempt found out she is having a baby girl in the fall.  I just love happy baby news!

I had a busy week myself, packing my daughter for summer camp.  This is her first year to go away to camp.  On Friday, I hopped on the bus with her and 15 other girls, and one of my dear friends.  We drove 6 hours to camp.  I spent two hours getting my daughter’s bunk set up, and getting her settled.  Then, another camp mom drove me an hour and a half to the airport to fly home.  My flight was delayed THREE hours!!  Ugh.  So, I tried to fly stand-by on an earlier flight.  Nope.  Full flight.  I got bumped to another stand-by list for an earlier flight that was also delayed.  2nd to last person on the plane; home 30 minutes earlier than my previously scheduled flight.  SCORE!

Taking my daughter to camp was such an emotional experience for me for a number of reasons.  She is going to the same camp Iwent to as a child, well, it is run by the same people on different land.  The traditions and experiences are the same.  The director and her team are the same.  My camp friends are also sending their daughters this summer.  I feel completely comfortable with where my daughter is, and I know she will have such an amazing time.  However, I am struggling!  Part of me is so jealous that she is there; I want to be there too, experiencing one last time!   Part of me (the helicopter mom who comes out occassionally) wants to be there to watch everything she is doing, and watch her blossom!  Part of me wants to be a fly on the wall!  But, I know I need to let her go, and let her have this expereince on her own.

My daughter has taken vacations without me before.  She has spent a week with my mom and other family members.  She is with her father ever other weekend.  However, here is the kicker.  I cannot call to talk to her for a WEEK.  This is a good rule, and is designed to allow her time to settle in, to make new friends, and to prevent her being homesick.  But,  this is really letting go for me!  I’m used to knowing everything that is happening; I talk to my daughter every single day.  I can call the camp at anytime to check on her; I just can’t talk to her directly, unless there is an emergency.  I have mailed letters and a little package to her.  She is getting tons of mail from her family.  She has great counselors in her cabin.  She loves the staff and they love her.  She is fine!

WOW – this is hard.  I am a very pround mother this week. My daughter is so strong, and she was making new friends before I even left!  She was so happy and so excited to be there!

I head back on Friday for closing weekend, and bring her home on Sunday… unless she wants to stay longer!!!

Welcome to my journey!


The Wedding.

26 May

I got all dressed up in my new dress and shoes this afternoon to go to this wedding.  My friend who got married today is a friend from high school; I have seen her once since we graduated from high school 20 year ago!  The wedding was beautiful; it was an outdoor ceremony in the backyard of her parents’ amazing home. 

I was expecting to see a lot of people from school; a lot of other people who I also receonnected with over the years.  There were about 15 of us invited, and I would have loved to have seen some of these girls.  However, I did not know a single person there… outside of the bride and her family, but, as you can imagine, they were a little busy with other things!

It was awkward, but so wonderful to see these old friends.  The bride has a twin sister whom I was also very good friends with.  It was so much fun to see them both, and they both seemed genuinely glad to see me.

The wedding was at 4:00 this afternoon; I left at 6:30.  I had a fun time, and pushed myself to talk to new people (I hate doing that)!  However, when I elft at 6:30, I was literally, all dressed up with no place to go!  I had nowhere to go, and nobody to see.  One of the lonely parts of being a single mom.

All in all, I’m so glad I went and branched out of my comfort zone… saw my old friends.  I didn’t take any pictures.  Really?!

I also met another sweet mom there who has kids 4 years apart, similar to mine.  She said she had just filed for divorce 2 weeks ago, and her husband was moving out of the family home in 2 weeks.  They had 2 more weeks together as a family.  She didn’t know what she was going to do.  Oh, I didn’t even know what to say; she was a complete stranger.  All I could say is that we determined up front to keep things as amicable as possible, and that we are all doing so much better now.  I hope that was good; so much came flooding into my mind, and I felt terrible for her and for her young family.

Welcome to my journey!


The dress and the shoes.

21 May

I had such a great weekend. I didn’t realize how much I needed a rest until the kids were gone. They were only gone for less than 24 hours, but I needed some alone time, and some rest.

On Saturday morning, I had the rare opportunity to play with my baby boy. I mean, really, play, and laugh and have so much fun together. Its usually so busy that I spend a lot of time with him, but we just aren’t always playing. I absolutely love hearing babies laughing out loud – best sound in the world.

After the kids went with their dad, I had a million errands to run. One involved buying a dress for a wedding I am attending next weekend. It is the wedding of a friend I went to high school with, but whom I have not seen in 20 years. We reconnected via FaceBook a few years ago. This will be like a prelude to our 20th High School Reunion scheduled for this fall.

But back to the dress. I found a beautiful bright blue, lace dress that fits perfectly. It is amazing and bright and short and sexy! I cannot wait to wear it. And, I also found some amazing shoes – champagne colored platform heels. They are gorgeous! I cannot wait for the wedding and to put the whole ensemble together.





Now, I have go figure out the hair; I seriously need a haircut.  Maybe I can find someone to do an “up-do” for me since I don’t really know how to do anything fancy with my hair!

It’s going to be such a fun night; I cannot wait!

Welcome to my journey!


Girls’ Trip

1 May

I am so blessed to have such amazing friends. We had such a fantastic trip this weekend with our daughters. The girls had a blast playing together and getting to spend the night together. I had such a good tome catching up with old friends.

Talk of the divorce was a minimal part of our conversation, and that was so nice. I’ve been so consumed by our marital problems for so long that it is nice to focus on others, and to talk about other things, and to feel normal.

To feel normal. I had forgotten what it felt like. To really be in the moment enjoying life as it is… Not in spite of all of the negativity.

Welcome to my journey.

4 Weeks

26 Apr

Today marks exactly 4 weeks since I finalized my divorce. It was a difficult and lonely day ((That Was Tough).

4 weeks later, and each day is easier and more freeing and happier than than the last.

Today, would have been our 9th wedding anniversary. Bittersweet day… I am accepting of the divorce, and thinking about what could have been. All-in-all, though, I feel good about things. I thought this would be a really tough day.

Turns out, my anniversary has always been bittersweet, filled with anticipation, and always ending in disappointment. Most years, my ex-husband went out of town with his friends for our anniversary. I usually spent the weekend without him anyway.

Funny thing… This year, I am heading out of town with my girlfriends and our daughters to have a fun girls weekend.

How things have changed.

Welcome to my journey!