Tag Archives: Christmas

It wasn’t so bad.

27 Dec

In fact, it was pretty good.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  Luke 2:10

My wonderful mom and my step-dad came into town to spend Christmas with me.  We stayed so busy which kept my mind off of other things, and we had so much fun.  I spent a lot of time getting the house just right… clean, decorated, gifts wrapped and under the tree.  The lights were on outside, and everything was just about perfect when they arrived.

We purchased lots of baby things for a charity so we could provide a wonderful donation to families in need during this winter season.  We went to church on Christmas Eve and then onto a fantastic steak restaurant for dinner.  Food was so good; we drank wine; we laughed a lot.

Christmas morning, my kids called, and we were able to connect on FaceTime.  I was able to watch them open their stockings and their Santa gifts (which my ex-husband and I purchased jointly).  They were so excited and so cute.  After opening each gift, they ran to the phone to show it to me.  It made the morning so much better that I got to participate a little bit in their Christmas.  I think they liked that too.

Then, we opened our gifts.  My parents were too generous with me and I think they liked their gifts as well.  Later that day, we drove out to a resort which is known for its amazing Christmas decorations.  We walked around, drank hot chocolate, and laughed a little more.

Then it snowed!

I don’t generally like snow, but on Christmas day, I think it is magical!  We came home to make dinner.  We had an amazing dinner planned: beef tenderloin, pork tenderloin, squash casserole, beer bread, green salad, and mashed potatoes.  As we opened the oven door to put the casserole in, it shattered.  The front glass of the oven door shattered into a million pieces, scattered all over the kitchen, and into the squash casserole.


Of course, the oven shattered BEFORE we had cooked any of the dinner!!  We had to throw away the squash casserole, and then slice the tenderloins and fry them on the stove!  Still tasted good, but just not the same!

The table looked amazing though, and we had a fun dinner with good wine!  Good wine helped a lot!

I hope you and your families, whatever they look like this year, had a wonderful Christmas.  Find your blessings and count them.  My kids come home tomorrow, and I cannot wait to celebrate Christmas with them on Saturday morning!

Welcome to my next chapter!




That was painful.

22 Dec

I just kissed my babies and sent them with their dad for the entire week.

Yes, it sucks.  I can’t believe I won’t be with them on Christmas.  How is that even possible?  I can’t even process it because it just isn’t real to me that I won’t be with them on Christmas and Christmas Eve.  I can’t believe it’s here, and really happening.  I’ve been ignoring the reality, and will continue to do so until the day is here.

My daughter was in tears; I was holding back tears as they drove away with their dad.  It was absolutely horrible!

This just isn’t right.  How did we get here?  This is solely me and my ex-husband’s fault, that we have torn my childrens world in two.  I remember these Christmases as a child.  It was fun where you were, but you were so desperately missing the other parent.  I hate us for doing this to them.  They deserve better.  We deserved better.

I’m not saying I want to go back, but I wish we could eliminate any impact on the kids.  I know, I’m a little crazy – I want it both ways.

Welcome to my next chapter.



16 Dec

Tonight, after a crazy week of business travel, cleaning house, baking, hosting a party for 9 kids, and putting the children to bed, I sat in my quiet kitchen.   Thinking about the great day.  Taking it all in.  Soaking in the goodness and the fun of the season.   I looked around me.  At my fairly clean house.  At my Christmas decorations, and at what was left of the party.

And I smiled.

I didn’t know why I was smiling at first, and thought it was a little odd.  It was not intentional; the smile just happened.  I couldn’t stop smiling.  Then, I realized.

I smiled because I am happy.

Welcome to my journey.


Bad day at work.

16 Jun

I almost quit my job yesterday. My new boss, whom I used to be professional friends with, is being a real jerk.

Yesterday during a one on one conversation, he asked me if the kids were in daycare for the summer. After explaining that Big Girl had been at camp, and Baby Boy continued his regular day care routine… My boss stood up, closed the door, and asked my why he had heard a baby crying in the background when we had been on the phone recently. I have no idea what he is talking about . The poor baby is in daycare for 9-10 hours per day, and absolutely craves my attention he gets after he gets home. Yet my boss is not only accusing me of having him home with me. He is also accusing me of lying to him about it.

I work my ass off for him. I give up a ridiculous amount of my personal time for that company. I have a ridiculous workload.

For him to even insinuate that I am home with my children instead of working is insulting and hurtful. I would love to be home with my children. I feel like my job had not allowed me to do so many things with them that I would love to do. I am emotionally and physically drained at the end of the workday. I have sacrificed a great deal of my personal life and time with my children for this job.

During the same conversation, he also told me that I needed to try to be more flexible with my Christmas plans since our whole team requested the same week off. I told him that I had the kids for Christmas and really didn’t want to give them up, but could talk to my ex-husband to try to work something out. He said I should do that. Really? You want me to give up Christmas Day with my young children?!

Fuck you!

I woke up this morning itching, my body broken out in hives from the stress.

I didn’t quit job, but it will be very difficult not to while I seek a new opportunity.

Welcome to my journey!

New Bed Linens for a Fresh Start!

28 Dec

Had a fantastic Christmas celebrating with my kids and my brother.  Santa came on Christmas Eve, and it was a perfectly magical Christmas for the kids.  I ate WAY too much, and need to do some major healthy eating for the indefinite future to right my body again!!

We were busy all weekend which made the time fly, and it wasn’t nearly as lonely or as difficult as I had thought it might be.  I realized that I really have been doing most of the work anyway so doing it alone isn’t a huge change for me.  I do have an amazing support in my brother and his wonderful wife so that was really helpful as well.

If you don’t have someone you can lean on and talk to, find someone if it is at all possibly.  You don’t have to share all of the ugly details, but someone who can help you smile and someone who can help you find joy is invaluable in this healing process.  Remember, we are learning to live a new life without that support we have had for a long time… whether that support was really very supportive or not is really irrelevant… there is a habit in having someone there, and there is loss when that person is gone.  A whole new life and a new perspective – you can’t go it alone, nor should you try!

I purchased new bed linens this weekend – that will make me feel good, and begin my fresh start.  I cannot wait to get my bed put together.. for me!  One small step at a time.

The kids will be with their dad this week; I will miss them terribly, and will be lonely, I am sure.  At the same time, there is a small, tiny part of me that needs a break to rejuvenate so I can be a better me, and a better mom!

Welcome to my journey!

Mixed Emotions and a Missing Piece

23 Dec

Beginning to feel emotional about Christmas. I am really excited about spending the weekend and the holiday with my kids and family. I am working so hard to make this Christmas special for them. I know they will miss their father terribly. I will feel somewhat lonely as well too, still feeling like part of me is missing.

Welcome to my journey.  Happy Holidays!

22 Dec

So far this week has not been too bad; I had expected the worst.

We have filled the time with tons of things to do to celebrate Christmas: decorating, crafts, cooking, wrapping – all sorts of things.

Soon-to-be-ex came by today to take my daughter out to spend the day with her.  Fun for both of them.  And, I am totally fine with it.  We are already getting along so much better.

I think he stayed in the house too long; we could not even stand to be in the same house together without nasty words, glaring looks and constant arguing.  Things are so much more peaceful now… in just a few days.  I just don’t worry all of the time now.  I was constantly worried about what kind of mood he would be in, how to counteract that mood for the peace of the family, who he was constantly texting, how much time he was spending in front of the TV (with the kids), how much time he was spending on his iPad.  It’s all gone, and I can just worry about moving on – and that’s a lot to worry about.  But, it is my worries, and it is in my control.  They are my decisions about my life, and not a reaction to the things someone else is doing.

The kids and I are looking forward to a break this weekend to celebrating Christmas with our family.  The kids will have a blast playing with their cousins all weekend.  I will enjoy making is special for them and enjoying the magic of it all.

Happy holidays!