Tag Archives: baby

Back and Forth

30 Jul

Kids were with their dad this weekend.  I don’t know if I will ever get used to this. 

It just kills me that the kids are constantly on the move from my house to their dad’s — until they are grown.  Back and forth every two weeks for the next 15 to 18 years. I just hate that they are constantly on the move.

I feel sorry for them.  I would hate to live that way.  My parents were divorced, but my dad lived across the country from us so we only saw him a few times a year growing up.  Not ideal either, but the constant back and forth has got to be exhausting for them!

Welcome to my journey!



4 Jun

Chips, bean dip and a beer.  It’s what’s for dinner.  (I did feed the baby a real dinner.)

Oh, and milk chocolate and white chocolate chips for dessert.


Never a Dull Day.

3 Jun

My ex-husband dropped Baby Boy off this morning around 11:00. I was so excited to see Baby Boy; I hadn’t seen him since Friday morning. After smothering him in hugs and kisses, we got down to playtime and lunch – took a short walk, read lots of books, and then it was time for a nap. Apparently, he needed some rest to really have some energy this afternoon.

After nap and snack… Baby Boy was on fire and ready to play! Here is what happened:

1. Baby Boy knocked over entry way table, crashing it to the floor (I was 5 steps ahead of him and he was absolutely fine).

2. Baby Boy spilled snack all over his shirt.

3. Baby Boy spit and poured water all over the floor.

4. Baby Boy partially emptied 3 kitchen cabinets.

5. Baby Boy sat and stood on the dishwasher door.


It was a crazy afternoon! He was on a roll, and we had a blast!! He is so mobile, and is into everything… um, obviously! He is curious and wants to “help” me, especially when I load/unload the dishwasher. He is fascinated by the dishwasher! He loves the kitchen cabinets! He is learning so much everyday!

I am looking forward to spending the week with him. I am also looking froward to seeing my daughter this weekend.

Welcome to my journey.



Oh, no you didn’t!

2 Jun

I love my children; they are my life.  They are my reason for being.  They are my strength.  They are my laughter.

I will fiercely protect them.  I will let them experience freedom.  I will allow them to try new things and to stretch themselves to achieve things they never imagined they could.  I will love them beyond measure.  I will be the best mom I can be.

It is for this reason that I am livid about a post someone made on my ex-husband’s FaceBook wall.  My ex-husband took my son out for dinner tonight, and posted a picture of my son.  He captioned that it was “men’s night out for the boys”.  Whatever.  Some jerk woman posted a comment that stated “Start ’em young – head to Hooters!” 

Are you fucking kidding me? 

My son is 15 months old; he is a baby.   I don’t even know what she meant by her comment there are so many ways to take that.  Did she mean he should start early by:

  • eating unhealthy, disgusting food?  Yes, I’ve had the wings; I think they are gross.
  •  being exposed to a misogynistic environment?
  • being exposed to a bar?
  • being exposed to boobs and a sexually charged environment?
  • being exposed to his father being hit on by scantily clad women?
  • for some absurd and disgusting reason, being attracted to the women working at Hooters?
  • checking out hot chicks with exposed boobs and hot asses so he can learn that women are meant to be used and not respected?

Because if he is exposed early to an adult enviroment, it would be unhealthy, damaging and inappropriate.

Let me be clear.  I have nothing against the women who are working at Hooters. I have nothing against Hooters.  I do not believe Hooters to be an appropriate place for my baby.  If adults want to go there – have at it.  I don’t care. I have seen the Hooters episode of “Undercover Boss”, and I believe that the waitstaff are not treated well in the restaurants (this is not a fact, but is my belief based on limited knowledge, and one episode of a TV program. I sincerely hope it was an isolated incident in one restaurant and that management immediately corrected the issue).  It is also my belief that there is a positive correlation between the raunchiness of a woman’s appearance, and the way she is treated.  I will also note that my marriage disintegrated over my ex-husband’s infidelity expressed in several ways.  I am particularly sensitive to what my son is going to be exposed to.  And, seriously, he is 15 months old. 

What the fuck?!

Her comment was completely inappropriate and out of line.  I don’t think it is funny. 

Don’t disrespect my son, my child, my baby.  Don’t disrespect women.

Welcome to my journey!


All at Once.

7 May

For me, right now, one of the most difficult things about being a single parent is that there is not enough of me to go around.  It seems that I am always starved for time, or supposed to be in 5 places at once!  And when you have small children, you can plan and schedule everything to the most minute detail, but things will happen as the kids needs’ dictate.

Over the weekend, Baby Boy got sick… again.. 103 degree fever…  He is doing much better today, and I sent him to daycare.  However, a call to his doctor to let them know, and he needs to be seen by the doctor.  Appointment at 4:00; it’s a 20 minute drive each way.

Big Girl already has a Girl Scout event scheduled at 5:00 this evening.  No way that it’s possible  to get here there even close to on time.  Called my dad; he can’t do it because he has to pick up his wife at the airport.  So, I just texted Big Girl’s day care teacher to see if she can drop her off at the event after school.  Waiting on her response.  My next back up is my best friend who is pregnant, and who has two kids of her own.  Picking up my kid and dropping off is probably not on her agenda today either.

Then, I have a major issue going on at work that I have to be available for, and participate in resolving.  It will be handled via the telephone, but may last for hours.  It hasn’t started yet.  It was supposed to begin at noon; that was 3 minutes ago!

Three different places.  Three different hats/personas.  All at Once.

Count down is on.  I have to walk out the door for the doctor in 3.5 hours.

I need a clone… or two!

Welcome to my journey!


The seizure

15 Apr

Well, this  weekend certainly hasn’t worked out like I had originally planned.  I was in bed on Friday night; my daughter was peacefully sleeping beside me (as a special treat, she gets to sleep with me on the weekends she is with me).  I was writing the blog post Sick Baby and reflecting on the day.  Poor baby was sent home from school; the doctor could not find anything wrong with him in the afternoon, except for an increasingly accelerating temperature.  The doctor said he had some kind of virus and sent us home.  By 5:30 that afternoon, my baby had 104 degree fever, and was so lethargic.  He hadn’t eaten and was not drinking much.  I continued with the Tylenol and put him to bed at 7:30.

At 10:30, as I was writing, he woke up screaming and crying.  I went to his room and picked him up out of his crib; his skin was hot and he was shivering/trembling.  I thought he was cold due to the fever.  We sat in his rocking chair and I held him tightly.  He stopped shivering.  Then, his left arm began to tremble.  Then, his entire body went stiff and began to tremble.  It was dark in his room so I could not see him very well.  I thought he had just had a seizure; I had no idea what to do.

I called my sister-in-law to see if she thought it could possibly have been a seizure.  She told me to call the doctor.  The baby was laying in my arms, completely limp; his eyes were glassy and his face had a look of illness on it.  I spent a few minutes researching online for febrile seizures to see if that is what he had, and what I should do.  I didn’t know if he needed first aid, if I should call 911, rush him to the hospital, call the doctor, or what to do.

After researching, I determined that he was not in immediate danger, and I called the doctor’s after hours number.  I was connected to the nurse triage.  After a number of questions, she also determined that he was not in immediate danger, but she was unable to diagnose or see his current health status.  So, she recommended that I take him to the emergency room.

At this time, it was nearly 11:00.  I called my ex-husband; no answer.  I texted my ex-husband; no answer.  I woke up Big Girl and told her that we had to take Baby Boy to the doctor because he was sick.  I got her dressed and ready to go.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this all by myself, and really didn’t want to expose Big Girl to the ER if I didn’t have to.  I wasn’t sure what they were going to do to the baby, how long we would be there.  The nurse told me on the phone that they may have to test for meningitis which means a spinal tap.  He had that done when he was a newborn, and it was horrific.  There would be no way to shield my daughter from his screams if he had to go through another spinal tap – even if we left the room.  At the last minute, I called my best friend, waking her up at 11;00 at night) to see if I could drop if Big Girl at her house (my best friend lives a mile from me, is pregnant and has two daughters of her own.  Her husband was not at home, and her house is on the market).  It was a huge favor.  And of course, she said, bring her over.  Big Girl was terrified; she was worried about her brother and a little disoriented at being woken up in the middle of the night.  I dropped her off.  My friend texted me a few minutes later; they had said prayers, and Big Girl was in bed with her daughters.  Thank God for my sweet friend; one less thing to worry about.

So, I continued to attempt to reach my ex-husband throughout all of this; I texted him a couple of times, and called him about five times over the course of an hour.  When I was almost at the hospital, he called me with an annoyed tone to find out what I needed.  I told him what was going on, and he met us at the hospital.  I was so mad at him; part of me was glad to have someone there to help with the baby.  Baby Boy was so happy to see his daddy.

I finally got to the hospital about midnight; the waiting room was full after we sat down.  After about an hour, we were called back.  They gave the baby some Tylenol and we saw the PA who said that Baby Boy had most likely suffered from a febrile seizure.  It was important to find out what was causing the fever so that it could be treated and reduce the risk of further complications.  I asked her about a spinal tap, and she said it was unlikely; he had good color, and since the Tylenol had kicked in, had some energy too.  She ordered a strep test and some blood work.  Strep test – positive.  Relief…. that was likely the cause of his fever – easy treatment and he should recover quickly and easily.  They gave him a shot of antibiotics before we left and I am giving him fever reducers every few hours to keep the fever down.  We were there for about 3 1/2 hours, and the hospital staff was so nice.  They had a little wagon in the hallway so my ex-husband pulled him around the floor in that.  One of the nurses gave him a popsicle and they talked to him and played with him.

I got home about 4:00 from the hospital, and put the baby to bed.  I took a shower and went to bed at 4:30, completely physically and mentally exhausted.  At 5:00, the baby awoke screaming.  Ex husband was sleeping in the same room and let him scream for 5 minutes.  I got up and went in the nursery.  Ex husband was holding the baby and passed him off to me immediately.  He got back in bed and went to sleep.  I rocked the baby and put him back to bed.  At 7:00, Baby Boy woke up again.  My ex-husband brought him into me and I lay with him for a little bit.  I also had to check on Big Girl and arrange to pick her up.

I left baby and ex-husband sleeping and got prescriptions filled, picked up Big Girl and brought her home.  I left again, got my car inspected and oil changed.  I picked up prescriptions and came home.  When I got home, my ex-husband had cleaned the kitchen, wiped down all of the countertops and cabinets and done the dishes; I will admit, it was a huge help.  I made lunch.  immediately after lunch, my ex-husband announced that he needed to leave and that Big Girl needed a bag packed so she could go with him.  I packed her bag; he went to the store for milk.  He got home, and they left.

I was going on 2 hours of sleep with a very sick baby alone.  Baby would not sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time.  Finally, at 5:00, I put him in his crib; we were both exhausted.  He slept (with a few bouts of short crying) for 2 1/2 hours.  I was so happy for both of us to get a little rest/sleep.   He slept well last night, but woke up with fever this morning.  His energy is improving; he wants to play, but is getting tired so easily.  He is taking his second nap, so we are getting back on schedule  He is eating and drinking more.

Poor little guy is so sick of taking medicine!  He hates the flavor of one of the fever reduceing medication!  It is a struggle to even get the syringe in his mouth to dispense the medicine.  I put a little medicine in and then give him the pacifier to get it down.  It takes several rounds of that just to get the medicine down!!

I have been doing laundry, changing sheets, cleaning the kitchen and trying to sanitize as much as possible while he sleeps.   I am so tired.

My ex-husband is bringing Big Girl back this afternoon, and he is going to stay here to watch Baby Boy tomorrow so I can work.  Should be interesting.  Some help is better than no help, and I would rather that Baby Boy be with one of us than anyone else.  Keeping the kids’ best interest in mind…

It’s been a terribly stressful and exhausting weekend.  I am so thankful for my friends and family who have been so supportive and open to my cries for help.

Welcome to my journey.


False alarm!

18 Jan

Yikes!  I am so sleepy today.  My baby has been sick since last Thursday with some kind of stomach bug.  He has been up at about 4 am to eat for the last 10 days or so.  So, it’s been a long road with him the last few weeks.  Last night, we had some excitement though, in addition to his long nights!

I was sleeping soundly (very soundly on my new mattress) when I awoke at 4 am by the burglar alarm beeping, and the dog barking and growling.  I was scared to death, especially since the dog was barking.  And the growling almost put me over the edge. Well, if that doesn’t wake you up abruptly and quickly, I don’t know what will. 

The alarm wasn’t sounding as if  it had been tripped; it was  just beeping, and beeping, and beeping.    So, I leaned over to turn on the lamp.  No light.   No lights anywhere in the house.  Whew!  At least, now I knew why the alarm was beeping.  However, why was there no electricity?  There was no storm, no strong wind; it was a calm night outside.  Had the wires been cut?  Should I call the police?  I don’t want to call for no reason, but I don’t want someone hurting me or my children either!

Bravely (at least, I thought I was brave), I walked to the door; the lights in the neighborhood were all out; I felt a little better.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  But by now, my mind was racing with mostly unreasonable and irrational thoughts (and nobody there to protect us or to talk me down to reality).  Beep. Beep. Beep.  What if a group of people cut all of the wires to the neighborhood and then they were going to get not only me, but all of my neighbors too?!  What if they were watching me?  Did they knew where my kids slept?  Why didn’t I learn how to use the gun?  Meanwhile, the alarm is still beeping – no way was I going to turn it off. If it was off, it wouldn’t trip if someone did enter my home!  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.

I turned on the flashlight app on my iPhone and looked around the house; all looked clear.  Time to check on the kids; the dog went with me, staying right by my side, and entering each room before me.  Big girl sleeping soundly.  Lights are back on!  Beeping stops!  Open baby’s door…  woke him up!  Oh no!!  Abort! Abort mission, dog!  We tip toed out of the room and down the hall, hoping baby would go back to sleep!  No luck.  I let the dog out in the backyard; she did her business and checked the perimeter of the yard.  No barking.  No growling.  I could assume we were safe (at least in the backyard)!

I prepared a bottle, changed baby’s diaper and fed him.  Still awake and hungry.  Prepared a second bottle, rocked baby.  Still awake.  Rocked him and snuggled with him. Still awake.  So, I decided to put him in bed with me.  At this point, it is about 4:45 in the morning.  I just wanted to go to sleep.  Baby got in bed with me, and was ready to party!  Up and down, crawling around, flopping around, whacking me, kicking me!  Oh my goodness!!  Finally, about 5:45, he fell asleep, and so did I.  Deep sleep – dream land.

And then….  6 am…  Time to wake up.  Alarm went off; had to get up to get big girl ready for school.  SNOOZE!  Alarm went off again.  SNOOZE!  Oh no!  It’s 6:30 am, and have to be at bus stop at 6:55!  Run, run, run!  Luckily, big girl was so sweet and cooperative this morning, and we got out the door right on time to meet the bus.

Sometimes, I really miss having some help and strength, especially on nights like last night!  I was so scared to even get out of bed to check things out around the house… frantically trying to figure out how to get us all out of the house safely, if needed.  I have plans to get everyone out, but in the moment…  In the moment of possiblity, I was terrified!

Thankful for the safety of my family this morning!  Thankful for coffee this morning!

Welcome to my journey!