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It wasn’t so bad.

27 Dec

In fact, it was pretty good.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  Luke 2:10

My wonderful mom and my step-dad came into town to spend Christmas with me.  We stayed so busy which kept my mind off of other things, and we had so much fun.  I spent a lot of time getting the house just right… clean, decorated, gifts wrapped and under the tree.  The lights were on outside, and everything was just about perfect when they arrived.

We purchased lots of baby things for a charity so we could provide a wonderful donation to families in need during this winter season.  We went to church on Christmas Eve and then onto a fantastic steak restaurant for dinner.  Food was so good; we drank wine; we laughed a lot.

Christmas morning, my kids called, and we were able to connect on FaceTime.  I was able to watch them open their stockings and their Santa gifts (which my ex-husband and I purchased jointly).  They were so excited and so cute.  After opening each gift, they ran to the phone to show it to me.  It made the morning so much better that I got to participate a little bit in their Christmas.  I think they liked that too.

Then, we opened our gifts.  My parents were too generous with me and I think they liked their gifts as well.  Later that day, we drove out to a resort which is known for its amazing Christmas decorations.  We walked around, drank hot chocolate, and laughed a little more.

Then it snowed!

I don’t generally like snow, but on Christmas day, I think it is magical!  We came home to make dinner.  We had an amazing dinner planned: beef tenderloin, pork tenderloin, squash casserole, beer bread, green salad, and mashed potatoes.  As we opened the oven door to put the casserole in, it shattered.  The front glass of the oven door shattered into a million pieces, scattered all over the kitchen, and into the squash casserole.

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Of course, the oven shattered BEFORE we had cooked any of the dinner!!  We had to throw away the squash casserole, and then slice the tenderloins and fry them on the stove!  Still tasted good, but just not the same!

The table looked amazing though, and we had a fun dinner with good wine!  Good wine helped a lot!

I hope you and your families, whatever they look like this year, had a wonderful Christmas.  Find your blessings and count them.  My kids come home tomorrow, and I cannot wait to celebrate Christmas with them on Saturday morning!

Welcome to my next chapter!

Sarah

 

 

Happy.

16 Dec

Tonight, after a crazy week of business travel, cleaning house, baking, hosting a party for 9 kids, and putting the children to bed, I sat in my quiet kitchen.   Thinking about the great day.  Taking it all in.  Soaking in the goodness and the fun of the season.   I looked around me.  At my fairly clean house.  At my Christmas decorations, and at what was left of the party.

And I smiled.

I didn’t know why I was smiling at first, and thought it was a little odd.  It was not intentional; the smile just happened.  I couldn’t stop smiling.  Then, I realized.

I smiled because I am happy.

Welcome to my journey.

Sarah

Reflecting.

14 Nov

It’s been almost a year since I separated from my husband, almost a year since I started this blog, and almost a year since last Thanksgiving.  Last Thanksgiving was the first holiday my ex-husband and I spent apart.  I was tormented with conflicted emotions, and didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t want to get divorced, but knew I it was the right choice.  I didn’t know what I was going to do, where I was going to live, if everything would be okay, how my kids would respond…  So much uncertainty.

Today, though, things are very different.  Today, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and spending it with family.  I am excited to cook and play with the kids, and eat too much, and get up way too early to shop with my money.

Today, I have plans and goals, and the cloud of uncertainty is burning away.  I have freedom and independence.  The sunshine in beaming in.

I am proud of my family.  I am proud of my children.

Today, I am moving forward.  I am living life.  I am confident, and  I am not afraid anymore (not very often, at least)!  I have had friends come out of the wood work.  I have found solutions for childcare, and dogsitters and anything else I need.  I have support.

I have a family.

I am moving forward.

I am happy.

Welcome to my journey.

Sarah

20 Years.

25 Oct

I went to my 20th year high school reunion last weekend.  As I believe most people do, I had mixed emotions about attending.  Being divorced, I would be attending everything alone. I was self conscience about being divorced, and being a single mom.  It’s not something I’m proud of, but it is my reality.  And our class was unusual.  A lot of cliques, a lot of mean girls, and a lot of really good, nice people.

I met up with a couple of my friends from high school (who I had really not seen in 20 years).  The three of us went to the first event together, and had such a fun time.   The group that night was small and I saw several people I really wanted to see.  It was so much fun!

Then, Saturday night was the big party… open bar, live band, tons of people.  It was amazeballs!!!!  I was introduced to a new drink, and had plenty of it!  Belvedere and cranberry with a splash of soda (try it, you will like it).  Amazeballs!  I’m usually a wine drinker, but this was the first party I had been to since the divorce so I decided to go out on a limb and do things differently.  Plus, I needed a little courage.  It was a little overwhelming… so many people to catch up with, and it’s been so long.

It was such a blast, so fun to get out on my own and have a good time. And to smile and to laugh.  Laugh a lot.  And not listening to anyone complaining about being bored, or getting drunk and embarrassing me, or just being an all-around jerk.  It’s such a different experience to enjoy myself without someone else constantly trying (and usually successfully) bringing me down and/or making me worry.

I felt so free and happy and good.  I felt good about where I am in life, and who I have become as a person.

I need to get out more!

Welcome to my journey!

Sarah

Vacation… Well, it’s About Time!

8 Sep

My step father’s birthday is today. My mom hosted a birthday party for him in his hometown in Massachusetts. it was a great party. Lots of clam chowder and lobster. It was amazing!

I have spent the better part of this weekend bingeing on seafood, most of which has been either dredged in butter or smothered in cream. Oh, I am bloated, but it sure is tasty!

The kids did not join me on this trip. They stayed home with the first ever, non-family overnight babysitter. I was pretty nervous about it. But, it went off without a hitch, and kids and babysitter had a great time!

It’s been nice to get away from home. I desperately needed a break, from everything! Haven’t thought too much about work, just under the constant stress that is ever present these days as a result if my job.

I’ve thought about the children ALOT, and miss them so much.

But, the break from it all has been so nice, and the trip has been lots if fun. Fun times with my family… Laughing, storytelling, eating, and catching up!

I just left my mom and family, and am sitting in a train, headed to see my half sister and brother before I head home tomorrow. I’m seeing more clam chowder in my future!!

Lots of laughter, lots of love, lots if support this weekend.

Welcome to my journey!
Sarah

Things are looking up!

13 Aug

Things are looking up!  So thankful!  I am feeling so much better about everything. 

Last week, may daughter turned 6 years old.  Almost impossible to believe –  I am sure I will be saying that each year for fhe rest of my life on each of my children’s birthdays!  We had an amazing week!  I love birthdays, and I love to celebrate.  The night before her birthday, I put up a few decorations so the house was festive.  She got a small room redo so I had that all set up for her when she woke up.  Then, I took the day off , and we spent all day together, just the two of us.  We did some back to school shopping, and then lunch and more shopping at American Girl.  We had such a fun day!  We had her birthday party with friends on Saturday.  A delightful day painting with her friends.  She was so appreciative and thankful for all of her birthday surprises, celebrations and fun!  I just love that child.

Yesterday, the kids and I went to church for the first time in a really long time; it was much needed for all of us.  We got to church… late, as usual.  But, we made it.  During the children’s’ service, they allow the children to participate.  My daughter was way up front, and I took Baby Boy to the front and I held him.  He was fascinated and all smiles!  After the children said a prayer, and said “amen” all together, the church was silent. Baby Boy yelled out “AMEN!” at the top of his lungs.  It was priceless and joyful!  He has never said “amen” before. Lots of smiles and laughter and happiness.

After church, I dragged the kids all over town to run errands; we had breakfast; we shopped for sheets; we bought a new computer; and we went to the grocery store.  The kids were amazing.  No whining, no complaining, no asking me to buy extra crap we don’t need.  They played with each other, and listened and cooperated and helped.  We had a blast.  Lots of laughing throughout the day.

Ex husband has been generous enough to allow me to borrow his computer for the last month or so.  My desktop fried and I cannot use it anymore!  I bought a new laptop yesterday, and it is so nice to have my own computer again.  I can blog, and do anything I want without sharing!  Computers become such a personal space, and I’m glad I have my own!  I  probably need to change all of my passwords before I give his computer back to him!

Things are feeling normal again. 

I have actually enjoyed this last week.  Not forcing my way through it and grinning on the outside as I have to do sometimes.  I mean really enjoyed the week.  Such a nice place to be.

I even caught up on some boring paperwork today and filed a bunch of other boring stuff!

Welcome to my journey!

Sarah

P.S.  Big Girl is with her dad this week.  Baby is in bed.  Why is “Team UmiZoomi” on?

Maybe this means I am coming out of the darkness.  I really hope so.  I’m ready to be happy and enjoy life.

The Wedding.

26 May

I got all dressed up in my new dress and shoes this afternoon to go to this wedding.  My friend who got married today is a friend from high school; I have seen her once since we graduated from high school 20 year ago!  The wedding was beautiful; it was an outdoor ceremony in the backyard of her parents’ amazing home. 

I was expecting to see a lot of people from school; a lot of other people who I also receonnected with over the years.  There were about 15 of us invited, and I would have loved to have seen some of these girls.  However, I did not know a single person there… outside of the bride and her family, but, as you can imagine, they were a little busy with other things!

It was awkward, but so wonderful to see these old friends.  The bride has a twin sister whom I was also very good friends with.  It was so much fun to see them both, and they both seemed genuinely glad to see me.

The wedding was at 4:00 this afternoon; I left at 6:30.  I had a fun time, and pushed myself to talk to new people (I hate doing that)!  However, when I elft at 6:30, I was literally, all dressed up with no place to go!  I had nowhere to go, and nobody to see.  One of the lonely parts of being a single mom.

All in all, I’m so glad I went and branched out of my comfort zone… saw my old friends.  I didn’t take any pictures.  Really?!

I also met another sweet mom there who has kids 4 years apart, similar to mine.  She said she had just filed for divorce 2 weeks ago, and her husband was moving out of the family home in 2 weeks.  They had 2 more weeks together as a family.  She didn’t know what she was going to do.  Oh, I didn’t even know what to say; she was a complete stranger.  All I could say is that we determined up front to keep things as amicable as possible, and that we are all doing so much better now.  I hope that was good; so much came flooding into my mind, and I felt terrible for her and for her young family.

Welcome to my journey!

Sarah