Archive | November, 2012

Thanksgiving, 2012.

26 Nov

I had the children for Thanksgiving this year.  We are celebrated with my brother and his adorable family, who are some of my biggest supporters and dearest friends.  We had a wonderful time!  We ate way too much; we shopped way to early; we had a lot of laughs.  In addition, we did lots of activities with the kids – made ornaments, went to the park, and just played.

I have so many things to be thankful for this year.

1. Moving forward after the divorce.

2. Finding some sources of fun and support.

3. Making new friends, and catching up with old friends.

4. Support and love from family and friends.

5.  My precious children whom I adore, and thank God for every day.

6.  Health and happiness.

Those are the big things.  Those are the important things.  It was a great Thanksgiving.  I am blessed.

Welcome to my journey!
Sarah

It’s tough.

17 Nov

Does it ever seem normal to watch your kids go with their dad for the weekend?  I’m beginning to feel more comfortable with it; I’m not as lonely or bored as I once was when they were gone.  I take advantage of the time to see friends, catch up on sleep, and run errands – things I can’t do when they are at home.  However, it’s so hard to let them go.

Last night, they left before I got home  from work.  That was tough, especially since I was expecting to see them, but got stuck in traffic for 2 1/2 hours on my commute home!!  So I missed them.  However, I noticed that my ex-husband had forgotten my son’s medicine so they had to come back (in the last 10 days, my son has had both strep throat and an ear infection).  I took the medicine out to the car so the kids didn’t have to get out.  Putting them back in the car would have been nearly impossible.  I went out to the car, and gave big hugs and kisses, heard about their day.  But, when I went around to my son’s side, he raised his arms in the air and said “up, up, up…. Mommy, up!”.  I couldn’t get him out of the car or it would have been even more difficult.  When I said “no”, the crying and tears began.  I felt so helpless.  My sweet baby crying; all he wanted to do was see his mommy, and I couldn’t help him.  He had to go.  I knew he would have a good time.  But, I am haunted all weekend by his cries and sweet face looking at me, depending on me.

Truly, it sucks.

The kids are always on the road, always missing one of us.  I hate it for them.

Now, the children are with their dad, at his sister’s house, having a blast.  They are cooking for Thanksgiving, helping put lights on wreaths, and decorate for Christmas.  They are having a ball.  But, I miss them, and all I can hear in my head are my sweet son’s cries for mommy.

Welcome to my journey!

Sarah

Reflecting.

14 Nov

It’s been almost a year since I separated from my husband, almost a year since I started this blog, and almost a year since last Thanksgiving.  Last Thanksgiving was the first holiday my ex-husband and I spent apart.  I was tormented with conflicted emotions, and didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t want to get divorced, but knew I it was the right choice.  I didn’t know what I was going to do, where I was going to live, if everything would be okay, how my kids would respond…  So much uncertainty.

Today, though, things are very different.  Today, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and spending it with family.  I am excited to cook and play with the kids, and eat too much, and get up way too early to shop with my money.

Today, I have plans and goals, and the cloud of uncertainty is burning away.  I have freedom and independence.  The sunshine in beaming in.

I am proud of my family.  I am proud of my children.

Today, I am moving forward.  I am living life.  I am confident, and  I am not afraid anymore (not very often, at least)!  I have had friends come out of the wood work.  I have found solutions for childcare, and dogsitters and anything else I need.  I have support.

I have a family.

I am moving forward.

I am happy.

Welcome to my journey.

Sarah

Locked Out.

14 Nov

Somehow, this evening, I locked myself and the kids out of the master bathroom!  I locked the door to keep Baby Boy out, and locked us all out!  As I tried to unlock the door using a screwdriver, my mind began to wander.  What if someone snuck into the house, crept into the bathroom, locked the door, and is hiding in there until the time was right to… ATTACK?!  My mind kept going, but I decided to feed the kiddos before dealing with it anymore.

After dinner, I asked Big Girl to call her dad… just in case, I decided to deal with the locked door!  That way, someone would know if I did get attacked!  I jimmied it around for a few minutes with the screwdriver inserted into the   stupid hole where a key would go, but there is no  key!  So, I took the doorknob off and unlocked it from the inside.  Then, after I was sure that nobody was hiding in the bathroom (whew), I put the doorknob back on.

I know, it’s not much, but it’s the first time I’ve even attempted to do anything with doorknob repair so I was pretty proud of myself.  Being my own handyman is not a fun part of single parenthood!

But, I’m learning each and every time, and next time, I’ll have this mastered.  It’s only a matter of time before one of the kids locks him/her self into a room!!!

Welcome to my journey!

Sarah